prayformefather | four // video

Entry tags:

four // video

[Filtered away from ~~Admiral~~ Kirk]

[Hi, Barge. The younger, darker haired Kirkfais on board is not pleased with Jim's shenanigans, and is not bothering to hide this fact in the slightest. HE ALREADY HATED YOU ON PRINCIPLE FOR HAVING HIS FACE, AND NOW YOU DO THIS.

... Actually really he just kind of wants to make Jim's life miserable and doesn't care particularly about the take over itself. Luther is a little shit. :c]

So is anyone actually going to do something about this, or are we just going to sit around letting him get away with whatever he wants? I thought wardens were supposed to be, you know, people who wouldn't do this kind of thing?

And this is the second time he's done it? Why is he still a warden?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

When do I ever shout except when I'm pushed to my limit? Why weren't you paying attention? I was too upset to politely ask for anything.

You figured wrong. Way wrong. And I have suffered for it. So excuse me if I'm a teensy bit resentful.

Because I'm human. I make mistakes. I'm sorry. But you should have brought it to me, not here.

Edited 2012-06-27 23:34 (UTC)

You're sorry.

[A long pause in which there is a clunk like a metal trash can being kicked over.]

Would you really have bothered to reply if I hadn't taken it public? Would you? Because after last time I'm not so sure anymore!

Of course I would have, I always do. I get that you kind of hate me right now, but I do actually care about you.

Erik visited me.

[A long pause, and then her words come out in a torrent.]

And everything he said made sense. Every bit. He dug up everything I really feel about having my powers taken away from me. Forced me to stop denying it. The hell I have been through because I don't have what's mine. And how stupid the excuses for leaving me vulnerable for so long really were.

How can you say you care about me if you deliberately leave me crippled and vulnerable? Do you have any idea how terrifying it has been? How humiliating? How hard it was to swallow all the excuses for why I had to be weak, and what that did to my pride?

Wanda, I've offered to give you your powers back. Several times. You've refused.

[She hesitates, and starts quietly crying.]

I said no because the only way to keep from being enraged this whole time was to buy into the lies so hard that I became afraid of my own powers. But now, after talking to him, I'm not buying in anymore. And it hurts that I had to go through that. And pisses me off.

I was fucking Stockholming the Wardens to get through emotionally. It was the only way I could cope.

[ Oh. Her heart :( ]

I'm sorry, Wanda. I didn't know. I can ask to give them back to you right now, if you want.

There...

[okay. She's going to try to be fair now, though the effort leaves her sniffling some more.]

...there was probably little way you could know. It wasn't like back with my first Warden, where I kept begging him and he just wouldn't listen. I was already broken in by the time you got me. After a while when you're imprisoned, you just give up hope.

You know I've been a prisoner more of my life than I've been free? People wonder why I get so angry. But after all I have been through, douchebags like Prefect should be glad that all I do is yell.

Don't give it back right now. Give me a day. I'm too angry and upset. I'm sorry. I just....

There's too much bad going on and I can't handle it.

You have every right to be angry, as long as you're reasonable about it.

Whenever you're ready.

What is "reasonable"? Around here it seems to be "shut up, suck it up and do nothing". I'm not even allowed to get revenge on my father. He gets to get away with it.

It's knowing the difference between who's earned your anger and who's just caught in the crossfire. And you know as well as I do that you're not going to get out of here any sooner if you're planning on killing someone the moment you leave.

See? That's the thing. You want him to get away with it.

Magneto gets to get away with it. Charles gets to get away with it. My first Warden, the guy who kidnapped me, fucking Kirk. It's a constant theme. Someone wrongs me, and I am expected to just take it. But no one else is going to give me justice. No one is going to punish my father for the evil he did. I have to take it for myself. But somehow that's "evil" and "wrong". I am expected to give up on it, just suck up everything he did to me, just live with the pain every single fucking day, while he walks around unpunished.

This place isn't making me into a good person, it's forcing me to become a perpetual victim who never fights back.

You want to be a hero? Revenge and justice are not the same. If you want justice, get it. Fight back. Do whatever you have to do. But revenge isn't the same.

What am I supposed to do, report them to the police? Nothing will happen. Report Magneto to the so-called "heroes"? They're run by Xavier. Report him to the government? They'll use it as fuel for their anti-mutant agenda. And no individual person in that world gives enough of a shit about me to help me. I have no recourse. No one to go to. Only myself.

You say revenge isn't justice? I don't understand the difference. I may never recover from what he did to me. How does he not thoroughly deserve death?

Because that's not your call. You don't get to decide who deserves to live or die. None of us do.

You're just cornering yourself between these two options. Either you wait for someone else to do something, or you kill him. There are other possibilities.

Everything else I have thought of that would actually both stop him and punish him is impossible. I can't take his powers away. I can't imprison him myself. I can't take all my pain and nightmares and force them into him along with that of all the rest of his victims. What the hell am I supposed to do?

[She's crying openly, her face filled with despair.]

You keep trying, and you don't give up. You can't do anything until you get out of this place.

Those are platitudes. I need real help. If you expect me to give up on killing a genuine sonofabitch who thoroughly deserves it, give me an alternative that works.

I'm working on it, okay? I'm not exactly a bastion of positive ways to deal with a horrible father.

Maybe I should just plan to go to another world entirely. I'm never going to stop hating him or wanting him to face real punishment for what he did, and until I'm a powerful enough witch I can't punish him properly in ways that won't kill him.

He should have to live with what he put me through. I shouldn't.

That wouldn't be a bad idea to keep you comfortable while you try to figure something else out. And I know some people do decide to just stay in another world.

There's nothing left in mine for me anyway. Maybe two people would wonder why I didn't come back. I don't care. Screw that world. I'll find someplace else that needs a hero and isn't full of bad memories for me.

And you know, if you ever change your mind, you know who to call.

...I guess.

private

ichoosefight - 2012-06-28 21:05 (UTC) - Expand

private

scarlet_discord - 2012-06-28 21:12 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

four // video

no subject

no subject

no subject

private;

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private

private